Perserving the Family

President Spencer W. Kimball, the 12th President of the Church:
“Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1980, 3; or Ensign, Nov. 1980, 4).

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:
“If you build your homes on the foundation rock of our Redeemer and the gospel, they can be sanctuaries where your families can be sheltered from the raging storms of life” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1993, 88; or Ensign, May 1993, 71).

"a bit of heaven"

President Thomas S. Monson of the First Presidency:
“If we really try, our home can be a bit of heaven here on earth. The thoughts we think, the deeds we do, the lives we live influence not only the success of our earthly journey; they mark the way to our eternal goals” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1988, 80–81; or Ensign, Nov. 1988, 69).

Several ideas for strengthening your family

1. Have regular dates. If you are married, make time for regular fun-time with your partner. A strong marriage can add strength to the family. Some families also have regular date nights with their children. Regardless of your family circumstance, make time for the important relationships in your life.

2. Hold regular family meetings. Family meetings help us give proper attention to our family. They provide a forum of discussion for family issues, and an opportunity to plan for family time. Family meetings help us to be proactive instead of reactive.

3. Make a point to express your appreciation more often. Leave thank-you notes around the house. Incorporate an appreciation ritual into your family meeting. Celebrate special achievements of family members. Make a list of 101 things for which your family can be grateful.

4. Make a plan for effectively dealing with conflict before you have conflict. Don't wait until the heat is on and tempers are high to decide how to best resolve a disagreement. Plan ahead and then, when needed, put your plan into action.

5. Explore you family history. Trace your family lines. Find out about roots and share the lessons of life from heroes in your family line. Find out what your ancestors stood for. Family history is a wonderful activity for all ages.

6. Keep a family journal or scrap book of significant family events and achievements. Remembering the good times can give us strength to endure the tough times.

7. Celebrate! Recognize the achievements of family members. Remember significant anniversaries with parties or family rituals. Make time to bask in the joyful moments of life.

Additional Resources:

Fantastic Families: 6 Proven Steps to Building a Strong Family
by Nick Stinnett, Joe Beam, and Alice Beam

The Intentional Family: Simple Rituals to Strengthen Family Ties
by William J. Doherty

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families
by Stephen R. Covey

To read the entire article go to the following link

http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/family/characteristics_strong_families.htm

"their fears will subside"

"As we look into the eyes of our children and grandchildren, we see the doubt and fear of our times. Wherever these precious ones go in the world, they hear about unemployment, poverty, war, immorality, and crime. They wonder, 'How can we cope with these problems?'

To find answers, they look back into our eyes and listen to our words. Do they hear us speaking faithfully and hopefully, despite the tribulations of our times?

They need to see us continuing to pray and study the scriptures together, to hold family home evening and family councils, to serve faithfully in our Church callings, to attend the temple regularly, and to be obedient to our covenants. When they see our steadfastness in keeping the commandments, their fears will subside and their confidence in the Lord will increase."

Elder Robert D. Hales
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

To read the entire article go to the following link

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=0b3dee9ba42fe010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1

"I feel like a millionaire”

"A man seemed to have lost everything in a disastrous flood. He wept, not for the loss of his worldly goods, but because he could not locate his beloved wife and four children. There was a very real possibility that they had drowned. Soon the word came that they were alive and waiting for him at a nearby emergency facility. What a joyous moment when that family was brought together again! As they rejoiced, the man said, 'I have my family again, and although I stand without one earthly possession left to my name, I feel like a millionaire'” (quoted by Robert L. Simpson, in Conference Report, Oct. 1980, 11–12; or Ensign, Nov. 1980, 11).

To read the entire article go to the following link
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=cf755f74db46c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=773097a7c1d20110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1&contentLocale=0

Celebrating Your Family Identity

Not surprisingly, a strong family identity...helps children develop a strong and healthy self-identity. Knowing what makes their family unique — traditions, values, ways of relating to one another — gives children a clear starting point for discovering their own place in the world. Studies even show that kids who identify with their family's values tend to be less promiscuous and face less risk of drug and alcohol abuse.

Perhaps you're wondering, How can we build a strong family identity? Here are three principles to get you started.

Your presence matters. Children regard your presence as a sign of care and connectedness. Families who eat meals together, play together and build traditions together thrive. Does your family eat together at least four times a week? If so, there is a greater chance your kids will perform better in school and be less likely to exhibit negative behavior.

Although it may seem trite, a family that plays together, stays together. I'm not talking about just cheering on your kids at soccer games or dance recitals but actually playing together. One family I know has a pingpong tournament each week. The winner doesn't have to do the dishes for a day. Our family had a Fun Day once a month. One of the girls picked an activity, and the rest of the family participated.

Celebrate everything. Don't miss a single chance to celebrate your family. You can celebrate rites of passage and other events such as Little League victories and graduations — from any grade.

On birthdays, we go out to dinner then play a game called Affirmation Bombardment, in which each family member shares three words of encouragement for the birthday person.

Talk about faith. Spiritual topics don't always come naturally for families. Discussions about God, however, can help build family identity. They also help kids have strong convictions as they get older.

Maybe you have some anxiety about starting a faith conversation with your children. Remember, your talk doesn't have to be forced or lengthy; it can be simple, short and spontaneous. Let the discussion be as natural as possible. Getting preachy with your children can be just as unhelpful as avoiding the topic of faith.

One way to create opportunities to share your faith with your kids is to pray with them every day and do a weekly family devotional, even if only for five minutes. When your children are exposed to God's truth in small amounts, it can, as a friend of mine says, "help them develop a sweet tooth for Jesus."

...At some point, storms will come to every family. But when you proactively build a strong family identity on the rock of (Faith) Christ, your family can withstand whatever winds and rains come your way. A strong family identity will give your kids a solid foundation to cling to during those difficult times.

To read the entire article go to the following link
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/relating/celebrating_your_family_identity.aspx

Keeping Families Strong

Research shows that six Protective Factors are crucial in order for parents to keep their families strong:

1. Parental Resilience (Being strong and flexible)

2. Social Connections (Parents need friends)

3. Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development (Being a great parent is part natural and part learned)

4. Concrete Support in Times of Need (We all need help sometimes)

5. Social and Emotional Competence of Children (Parents need to help their children communicate)

6. Healthy Parent Child Relationships (Give your children the love and respect they need)

To read more of this article go to the following link http://www.strengtheningfamiliesillinois.org/

What Makes Families Strong?

Relationship to building strong families
Families are crucial in the development of human competence and character. Recent research tells us that the family's influence is even greater than we have imagined. Families play a major role in how well children do in school, how well they perform on the job as adults and how well they contribute to society in general. Families have the first and foremost influence on our development.

Research findings
Research indicates that many problems of individuals and society are related to dysfunctional family relationships. For instance, early teen sexual acting out, youth suicide, teen pregnancy, runaways, substance abuse, childhood and adolescent depression, child abuse and neglect, family violence, and civil unrest are known to be aggravated by problems in the family.

What makes families strong? Researchers have worked hard to answer this question and agree that strong, healthy families have nine traits in common (Krysan, Moore, & Zill, 1990). These traits have been found in families of different types, races, social backgrounds, nationalities, and religious beliefs.

The nine traits are:

• caring and appreciation
• time together
• encouragement
• commitment
• communication
• cope with change
• spirituality
• community and family ties
• clear roles

For the full article and resources go to the following link
http://extension.missouri.edu/bsf/strengths/index.htm

Promises of Family Home Evenings

"We advise and urge the inauguration of a 'Home Evening' throughout the church, at which time fathers and mothers may gather their boys and girls about them in the home and teach them the word of the Lord. . . . 'Home Evening' should be devoted to prayer, singing hymns, songs, instrumental music, scripture-reading, family topics and specific instruction on the principles of the gospel, and on the ethical problems of life, as well as the duties and obligations of children to parents, the home, the Church, society and the nation. For the smaller children appropriate recitations, songs, stories and games may be introduced. Light refreshments of such a nature as may be largely prepared in the home might be served."

"If the Saints obey this counsel, we promise that great blessings will result. Love at home and obedience to parents will increase. Faith will be developed in the hearts of the youth of Israel, and they will gain power to combat the evil influence and temptations which beset them."

(First Presidency letter, 27 April 1915 — Joseph F. Smith, Anthon H. Lund, Charles W. Penrose)

Being Loving and Nurturing

The Family: A Proclamation to the World  states: "Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness."http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,161-1-11-1,FF.html

It's no accident that the Proclamation lists "love" first among parenting duties-nurturing love is the most important characteristic of good parenting. It's so important that researchers sometimes call it the "super-factor" of parenting. Good nurturing makes children feel loved and cherished, and researchers have found that without that feeling, there's little else parents can do to make up for it.

Urie Bronfenbrenner, a renowned expert on child development, says every child needs parents who are crazy about him or her-an "irrational relationship." Children are wired to "fall in love" with their parents, and they deserve parents who fall in love back.

Beyond the obvious benefits of nurturing love, research shows that loving and nurturing parenting is linked to better child behavior at all ages. Nurturing parents build strong bonds with their children, providing them with a sense of security that helps them grow into confident and loving people.

How can you be a more loving and nurturing parent? Here are some ideas:

§         Learn your child's love language. Each person feels love in a different way. A wise parent carefully studies how a child likes to receive love, and then sends love in that way often. Without this care, actions that a parent might think are loving can be perceived as unloving. For example, one mother came home from a long day at work, met her little boy at the front door, ruffled his hair, told him "I love you!" and walked to her room. He followed her and replied, "Mommy, I don't want you to love me, I want you to play catch with me!"

In another example, a father invited his teenaged son to hunt big game in Montana. The father thought the expedition together would be a great way to spend time with his son and show his love. But what the son really wanted from his father was less dramatic - he just wanted his dad to go with him occasionally to a nearby reservoir and watch the ducks take off.

How can parents learn their child's love language? One way, according to parent educator Wally Goddard at the University of Arkansas, is simply to notice ways you've already shown love that your child asks for more of. One father says his children love their outings with him one at a time. They frequently ask, "When are we going on our one-on-one?" His youngest daughter is emphatic about wanting to go swimming for their time together. By honoring her request, he shows his love for her in one of the ways she can best receive it.

You can also learn about your child's love language by noticing how she or he shows love, according to Goddard. Children often show love in the way they like to receive it. Or you might try recalling when you felt especially loved by someone and identify what that person did, then treat your child similarly.

You can also take the direct approach-ask your children what you do or say that helps them feel loved. Answers might include hugs, bedtime stories, one-on-one outings, midnight pancakes and conversation, playing a game together, or a special gift.

§        Have I told you lately… Keep a record of your loving actions toward your child. Write his or her name at the top of a 3x5 card, then write the following questions and answer them:

      
      What have I done lately that really helped Katy feel loved?

      
      How does Katy prefer to receive messages of love?

What are some different ways I can send messages that communicate love to Katy in ways she can best feel it?

      
       What will I do this week to show Katy my love?

§         Speak kindly to your children. Compliment their good behavior. Say "please" and "thank you." Don't say anything demeaning or sarcastic. Even good-humored sarcasm is easily misunderstood by children and can result in unintended hurt feelings. Instead of saying "Can't you leave the dog alone?" say, "Please leave the dog alone." Instead of saying, "Will you get out of my way?" say, "Excuse me, I need to get by."

 

§         Express appreciation. Tell your children how much you appreciate them. Draw attention to their talents and good behaviors: "The table looks great! Thank you for setting it so nicely." Or "I can always count on you to help me out. Thanks."

§         Write love notes. Write short notes of love and encouragement. Slip them into your children's lunchboxes or backpacks. Examples include:

      Thanks for helping your sister clean up her room.

      That was a good idea you had for our family vacation.

      You're special to me.

Will you come with me to the store when you get home from school? I enjoy having you with me.

§         Remember the power of touch. Don't hesitate to give your child a loving hug, comforting hand-squeeze, or congratulatory pat on the back.

§         Be a friend. Spend time playing with your children and doing things with them that they enjoy. If you need to, schedule time with your children in your planner: "8 pm: Read stories with Rachel," "2 pm: Go biking with John."

§         Declare a love week. Have everyone in your family write down (or draw) what makes them feel loved. Maybe your first-grader feels loved when you read to him. Maybe your teenage daughter feels loved when you go with her to the library. Post the ideas in the house where everyone will see them. Then, every day for the next week, encourage each family member to do something for another family member that helps them feel loved. Even very small efforts can yield big results.

For more information about this article please visit the following web site

http://www.foreverfamilies.net/xml/articles/being_loving_nurturing.aspx?&publication=short