Reasoning with Children

31106, Family Home Evening Resource Book, Building a Strong Family, Reasoning with Children, 244

Observe what happens when a father reasons with children—even when they aren't his own:

John's Concern

Two days before John was to return to his military assignment, a construction crew began digging a large hole in the empty lot north of his home. By the end of the day, a fifteen-foot hole lay ready for cement forms to be placed. Within minutes after the crew left, neighborhood children swarmed on the "diggings." Teenagers were running, and smaller children were climbing, as well as some preschool boys playing with a toy wheelbarrow. Among those little ones was John's four-year-old son, Jason. They were trying to dump a little gravel from the wheelbarrow into the large hole, but the earth beneath their feet was crumbling. Seeing this, John raced out on his balcony and yelled, "Get off that lot, you kids! What do you think you are doing?" The children all scattered, and John went down to bring the little ones away from the hole and into his backyard.

Within minutes after he returned to his house, John saw all the children swarming over the lot and dirt pile again. His little boy's friends were there. "A lot of good my yelling did," thought John. "Maybe I could reason with them so they see the danger in playing there." John walked outside and beckoned to the older children on the dirt pile. Some of the older ones hesitated, but John encouraged them with a wave of his hand. "Listen," he said. "I was kind of nutty to yell at all of you a minute ago. I guess in one way it is none of my business where you kids play. But my concern is that the little ones see you over here and they come over. If you fall, maybe you will break an arm or get bruised, but I'm worried about what might happen to the little ones if they fall. What happens if a lot of that dirt caves in on them? If you play on the hills, they play on the hills. Do you see any way we can work together to protect them?"

What is the difference between John's first approach and his second?

What was he teaching?

What do you predict will be the teenagers' response?

In the actual situation, the teenagers began policing the lot, kept the little children away, and even avoided the construction site themselves.

Do you reason with your children? or do you command them? Read the comparisons to help you evaluate whether your children understand why they should be obedient or if they are merely learning that you use power over them.

Reasoning	Commands and Demands
1. Are you teaching a principle?	1. Are you issuing orders?
2. Are you reasoning sensibly and calmly?	2. Are you blaming and accusing?
3. Are you exploring consequences?	3. Are you making decisions single-handedly?
4. Are you identifying wise alternatives?	4. Are you allowing only one possibility?
5. Are you sharing necessary information?	5. Are you demanding blind obedience?
6. Are you listening?	6. Are you doing all the talking?

It is important to remember that reasoning involves persuasion, long-suffering, and love unfeigned (see D&C 121:4146).

To read the entire article and get more helpful information go to the following link
http://www.lds.org/hf/library/0,16866,4256-1,00.html?LibraryURL=/Curriculum/home%20and%20family.htm/family%20home%20evening%20resource%20book.htm/building%20a%20strong%20family.htm/reasoning%20with%20children.htm

Perserving the Family

President Spencer W. Kimball, the 12th President of the Church:
“Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1980, 3; or Ensign, Nov. 1980, 4).

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:
“If you build your homes on the foundation rock of our Redeemer and the gospel, they can be sanctuaries where your families can be sheltered from the raging storms of life” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1993, 88; or Ensign, May 1993, 71).

"a bit of heaven"

President Thomas S. Monson of the First Presidency:
“If we really try, our home can be a bit of heaven here on earth. The thoughts we think, the deeds we do, the lives we live influence not only the success of our earthly journey; they mark the way to our eternal goals” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1988, 80–81; or Ensign, Nov. 1988, 69).

Several ideas for strengthening your family

1. Have regular dates. If you are married, make time for regular fun-time with your partner. A strong marriage can add strength to the family. Some families also have regular date nights with their children. Regardless of your family circumstance, make time for the important relationships in your life.

2. Hold regular family meetings. Family meetings help us give proper attention to our family. They provide a forum of discussion for family issues, and an opportunity to plan for family time. Family meetings help us to be proactive instead of reactive.

3. Make a point to express your appreciation more often. Leave thank-you notes around the house. Incorporate an appreciation ritual into your family meeting. Celebrate special achievements of family members. Make a list of 101 things for which your family can be grateful.

4. Make a plan for effectively dealing with conflict before you have conflict. Don't wait until the heat is on and tempers are high to decide how to best resolve a disagreement. Plan ahead and then, when needed, put your plan into action.

5. Explore you family history. Trace your family lines. Find out about roots and share the lessons of life from heroes in your family line. Find out what your ancestors stood for. Family history is a wonderful activity for all ages.

6. Keep a family journal or scrap book of significant family events and achievements. Remembering the good times can give us strength to endure the tough times.

7. Celebrate! Recognize the achievements of family members. Remember significant anniversaries with parties or family rituals. Make time to bask in the joyful moments of life.

Additional Resources:

Fantastic Families: 6 Proven Steps to Building a Strong Family
by Nick Stinnett, Joe Beam, and Alice Beam

The Intentional Family: Simple Rituals to Strengthen Family Ties
by William J. Doherty

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families
by Stephen R. Covey

To read the entire article go to the following link

http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/family/characteristics_strong_families.htm

"their fears will subside"

"As we look into the eyes of our children and grandchildren, we see the doubt and fear of our times. Wherever these precious ones go in the world, they hear about unemployment, poverty, war, immorality, and crime. They wonder, 'How can we cope with these problems?'

To find answers, they look back into our eyes and listen to our words. Do they hear us speaking faithfully and hopefully, despite the tribulations of our times?

They need to see us continuing to pray and study the scriptures together, to hold family home evening and family councils, to serve faithfully in our Church callings, to attend the temple regularly, and to be obedient to our covenants. When they see our steadfastness in keeping the commandments, their fears will subside and their confidence in the Lord will increase."

Elder Robert D. Hales
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

To read the entire article go to the following link

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=0b3dee9ba42fe010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1

"I feel like a millionaire”

"A man seemed to have lost everything in a disastrous flood. He wept, not for the loss of his worldly goods, but because he could not locate his beloved wife and four children. There was a very real possibility that they had drowned. Soon the word came that they were alive and waiting for him at a nearby emergency facility. What a joyous moment when that family was brought together again! As they rejoiced, the man said, 'I have my family again, and although I stand without one earthly possession left to my name, I feel like a millionaire'” (quoted by Robert L. Simpson, in Conference Report, Oct. 1980, 11–12; or Ensign, Nov. 1980, 11).

To read the entire article go to the following link
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=cf755f74db46c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=773097a7c1d20110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1&contentLocale=0

Celebrating Your Family Identity

Not surprisingly, a strong family identity...helps children develop a strong and healthy self-identity. Knowing what makes their family unique — traditions, values, ways of relating to one another — gives children a clear starting point for discovering their own place in the world. Studies even show that kids who identify with their family's values tend to be less promiscuous and face less risk of drug and alcohol abuse.

Perhaps you're wondering, How can we build a strong family identity? Here are three principles to get you started.

Your presence matters. Children regard your presence as a sign of care and connectedness. Families who eat meals together, play together and build traditions together thrive. Does your family eat together at least four times a week? If so, there is a greater chance your kids will perform better in school and be less likely to exhibit negative behavior.

Although it may seem trite, a family that plays together, stays together. I'm not talking about just cheering on your kids at soccer games or dance recitals but actually playing together. One family I know has a pingpong tournament each week. The winner doesn't have to do the dishes for a day. Our family had a Fun Day once a month. One of the girls picked an activity, and the rest of the family participated.

Celebrate everything. Don't miss a single chance to celebrate your family. You can celebrate rites of passage and other events such as Little League victories and graduations — from any grade.

On birthdays, we go out to dinner then play a game called Affirmation Bombardment, in which each family member shares three words of encouragement for the birthday person.

Talk about faith. Spiritual topics don't always come naturally for families. Discussions about God, however, can help build family identity. They also help kids have strong convictions as they get older.

Maybe you have some anxiety about starting a faith conversation with your children. Remember, your talk doesn't have to be forced or lengthy; it can be simple, short and spontaneous. Let the discussion be as natural as possible. Getting preachy with your children can be just as unhelpful as avoiding the topic of faith.

One way to create opportunities to share your faith with your kids is to pray with them every day and do a weekly family devotional, even if only for five minutes. When your children are exposed to God's truth in small amounts, it can, as a friend of mine says, "help them develop a sweet tooth for Jesus."

...At some point, storms will come to every family. But when you proactively build a strong family identity on the rock of (Faith) Christ, your family can withstand whatever winds and rains come your way. A strong family identity will give your kids a solid foundation to cling to during those difficult times.

To read the entire article go to the following link
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/relating/celebrating_your_family_identity.aspx